so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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