So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
