I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
