He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
