Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
