i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
