I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
