I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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