Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
