So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
