I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
