I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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