I wish I could teleport
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize