not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
