I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
