I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
