you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
