Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Randomize
