Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
