In America we eat man semen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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