He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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