Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
