I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He has the fingertips of a God
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