I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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