Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
