so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
