Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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