I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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