You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
