I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
