my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
