All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
