Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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