yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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