Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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