So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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