he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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