You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
