So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
