i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I am morally bankrupt
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
