Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
