Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Even my vagina gasped.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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