Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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