i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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