I'm jealous of your bromance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
