I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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