Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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