I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
