Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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