i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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