I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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