I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
