11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
