I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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